I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
