I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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