I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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