I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
