he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
