i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
