Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
