Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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