We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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