you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
