she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
