wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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