8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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