you guys were way drunker than both of me
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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