I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
