You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
