i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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