i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
