I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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