somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
