You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Also, beer. Big fan.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
