too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
