I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
