Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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