he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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