she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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