It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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