I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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