wrigley field is MILF paradise
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
