Are we in a gay sports bar?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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