so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
