I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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