3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
