The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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