I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
