Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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