Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
