It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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