I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize