its not stalking. its research.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
