4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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