so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
