You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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