Where are you?
In a non slutty way
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
