Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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