I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think a kid would responsible me up
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
