remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
