I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
it's like iHOP with fire
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
