I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
