they need to just BURY HIM!
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
