so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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