i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
