Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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