I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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