Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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