Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
