failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize