And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
