I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
