dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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