shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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