you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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