I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
