i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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