If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
