No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
