found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
