My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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