The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
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