Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
