My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
