We won't sleep together?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
